“Be value compatible.”
They say that opposites attract. They are also the people who say that
there is no accounting for taste. Who knows? That may be the same bunch that
observed that if you spend enough time with most anyone, you will figure out
some way to get along. Whatever the attraction, “values” are at the
heart of it. For you and your significant other, there is something that keeps
each of you in the relationship. Whatever it is, that is the attraction, what
Although these points of attraction certainly represent values, They
are not the value compatibility Simon is talking about. He is referring to those
old fashioned values that preachers and politicians are so fond of discussing.
What is right and what is wrong? What is good and what is evil? What do ethical
people condone and what do they abhor? Simon’s simple point is that value
compatibility is important and value incompatibility forecasts serious problems
for anyone in a long-term relationship.
Simon extends his compatible value point to cover life goals, personal
priorities, and what is really important. That Simon, he does have a way of
going straight to the nub of the matter. Moral values are certainly important:
good and evil, right and wrong. You and your significant other are well-served
by at least being on the same page with these kinds of things; but life goals,
personal priorities, and opinions about what is really important are the issues
over which value incompatibility plays itself out.
Simon’s strategy is not complicated, although it can be a continuous,
lifelong journey. Compatible life goals, compatible personal priorities, and a
compatible sense of what is really important are keys to successful, long-term
relationships. Simon is not saying that these “values” have to be the
same. He is only saying that both of you are well-served if they are
compatible, can exist comfortably together.
your individual life goals can be pursued at the same time, all is well.
your individual personal priorities can be pursued at the same time, all is
your individual sense of what is really important can be respected at the same time,
all is well.
either of you needs to compromise or set aside your individual life goals,
personal priorities, or that individual sense of what is really important, all
is not well.
Just as you need to be on the same page with your moral values, you
need to be sure that you are in the same chapter of the same book about life
goals, personal priorities, and what is really important. Be value compatible.